This journal documents the author's experiences as a television writer. To read the story from its inception, go to the beginning.

December 17, 2001

Revolver
There is a knock at my door. I look through the peephole and it's my writing partner. He's disheveled, pale, but I don't do the arithmetic until I open up and an arm the size of a derrick shoves him through, knocking me to the ground. He rolls off me and I see the bruises on his ear and neck. In walks a mountain with legs followed by stilettos and fishnets that converge on something red, soft, and curvy. The smell of Chanel fills my office.

"Hello sweetie," the red dress purrs. It is my agent. In her hands she holds a manuscript splattered with blood. I look over at my partner. He is clutching his stomach in an attempt to keep his insides from spilling out all over the floor.

I could go on. I could have the mountain with legs hoist me into a chair and work me over while my agent explains how she doesn't like uncooperative writers. Maybe she'd take out a smoke while I furiously began to write in an attempt to save my life and the life of my partner. I might even weave in a thread about how my agent and I were once lovers, but, having left her for someone with literary talent, she was now finding my suffering all the sweeter. That's because in fiction -- even in clich�-ridden purple prose -- the writer can always make things happen.

In life you end up having phone call after phone call in which the agents push one agenda and the writers push another. The writers agree to create a third spec, fearful that a refusal would put a serious crimp in a business relationship that has yet to bear fruit. The agents agree to accept a spec from a freshman comedy, tired of the writers' resistance to penning agency favorite Malcolm in the Middle. In the end the writers will take the next two months and draft an episode of Scrubs.

What the agents don't know is that the writing won't commence until January 4. My partner is going on vacation for two weeks. I should probably do the same, but I am too busy looking for smoking guns.

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� 2001 - 2002 tv writer. All rights reserved.