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August 31, 2001
There's no off switch....
I enjoy devising truly awful sitcom concepts.
The Pitch: Alf meets I Dream of Jeannie!
Astronaut Dave Jansen is a successful space shuttle captain and devoted family man. His eight-year-old son, Buzz, is a math prodigy and his 13-year old daughter, Moonglow, is a budding ballerina. Unfortunately, during a routine shuttle mission, Dave's spacecraft is momentarily infused with incredible light and energy. On his return to Earth, the incident is considered an anomaly, but when Dave returns home, he discovers a female alien has taken up residence inside his body, communicating at her whim via a hologram she projects on any body part or within his mind. This annoys Dave no end, but when the alien ? who looks almost completely human and is played by a knockout (Nikki Cox? A young Cheryl Ladd type?) ? turns out to be a lesbian and hot for Dave's wife, Dave is in his own private hell. Making matters worse, the alien, who calls herself George after Dave's favorite Beatle, can take over Dave's body, making Dave appear as her and relegating Dave to hologram status. The catch: the identity switch only lasts one hour and can only happen if Dave agrees to it, which he does whenever he is caught in a tight squeeze while trying to keep his "arrangement" with George a secret from his family and his boss at NASA. Hilarity ensues!
The Pitch: Let's take Friends, put them in a group home, and make them all idiot savants!
Bill "Coop" Cooperson has a most unique job: he runs the "Bright As Day" residence for idiot savants, a long-term care facility for individuals who are amazingly gifted in one or two aspects of their personality, but otherwise have incredibly difficulty living in the real world. Coop lives with and wants to marry his sweetheart Christine. But Christine is afraid to commit to Coop, and is often at odds with him because Coop spends all his time taking care of the "Bright As Day" residents. Making matters worse, Coop has found himself incredibly attached to Dorothy, a resident who is a musical genius, but who hates Christine. Other residents include Billy, a math genius (possible tie-in with the Dave Jensen's math prodigy son?); Annie, who can cook anything (including people!); and Sonia, who can recreate any classic painting while wearing roller skates. Unfortunately, Coop and Christine are evicted from their illegal sublet and end up living with the all the savants at Bright As Day. Hilarity ensues!
The Pitch: He's a vice cop. She's a hooker. They're in love!
While most guys only dream of locking up their girlfriends in a steel cage, vice cop Max Strictly lives out his fantasy three times a week! Though she loves him dearly, Max's girlfriend Crystal feels he should allow her to continue to work as a high-priced private call girl. But Max, who is not only threatened by her other lovers, but also by the fact she makes twenty times his salary, can't seem to let her be. So Max endlessly comes up with crazy scheme after crazy scheme to try to get Crystal to let go of her hooking ways. Complicating matters more is Crystal's mother, who has moved in with the couple after serving 10 years in prison for fraud, larceny, and embezzlement. Has the old broad given up her con woman ways? Don't you bet on it!
Yup. I'm ready for Hollywood.
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